This afternoon I was talking to my boss, and during the discussion, I did bring up the topic of me feeling unsure of doing my job because it always turns out either wrong or something he did not expect to have. Being his normal self, he went on explaining how things should be done, how we should work together, how I can solve that problem of always being "unsure" of what I am doing. He told me to keep on verifying, to always revisit, to always talk to him. And now, being my usual self, I just said "yes" to everything he said. At that time though, it did occur to me that maybe, I was just really being hard-headed, and that perhaps, that is indeed the right thing to do. I have been waiting for Ed now, all evening, and I guess this gave me time to ponder on what have transpired during the day. One thing that hit me most is... Did I just lose my self-confidence? Since I said "yes" to every single thing he told me, does that mean now that every move I make is now "unsure" and needs to be verified by him? I just realised that what he did is rob me off the confidence. When will I ever feel confident of myself? When will I ever feel confident that what I am doing is right? It strikes me that I have worked so hard to get to where I am now, as a manager, and it feels like I was just pulled ten steps behind. I wish people could read my blog and I wish for a healthy discussion and sharing of ideas that could give me a different perspective of things. It is actually a good exercise having discussions like these with people I don't know, not having to worry about prejudiced opinions/biases. Oh well, I hope my husband comes soon to pick me up from the office, or else, more doubts will come into my playful brain and mess me up once more. Photo credits: http://badcreditcarfinanceonline.co.uk/getting-car-finance-confused/
